i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
