explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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