areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to have your abortion
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
