I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
