At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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