I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
