Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
