Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
