my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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