Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
