can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
