Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you never un-have a 4some
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
