That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
