I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
