Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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