I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
