I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
