also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
