matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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