in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
