I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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