I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
