that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
