They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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