Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
