Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
