my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
