woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i will never coherently bang her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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