come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
