If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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