bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
