His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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