Umm I'm too high to move.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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