i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
