Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
