Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
