do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
