Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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