saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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