chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
