we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
