someone threw a dead crab at me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I look excited, but its just a facade.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
