How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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