I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
