hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
