No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
