at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
