I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
