I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
