I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
