How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
