why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
